Sadly, I do not foresee myself recovering quickly. For one thing, I don't sleep very much. Last week was my first without nightmares in over a month, but that may have been because, up until this weekend, the Czuba Family Zoo was keeping me up all night. I have grown accustomed to sleeping with the dryer running and a pillow over my head. Second, people keep adding stress to my bucket. My stress bucket is very full. And though making checklists definitely helps (as does staying on top of all the homework), there are some stressors that simply cannot be done away with, no matter what your high school Health teacher told you. A job, for instance. I cannot just remove myself from my job when it gives me anxiety. That would be blissful, but I think I might be asked to remove myself permanently. Then there are the train rides, which have been oversold, and the fact that my nighttime writing class of eighteen students is in a teeny room with fluorescent lighting and no windows, and all the busy work and uncertainty that comes with homework and papers and tests and a propensity to shoot for perfection**. I decided that the best way to deal with this was
through self-bribery, but I don't have a lot of money, so I more precisely decided (via Daniel, because he's a smarty pants) to get my hair done (I've been missing the blue).
And then the PSU Magazine for alumni had a nice little bit about my Most Arch Nemesis (hint: he's middle aged, short, bald, and overwhelms me with the urge to vomit up bile), and it was all I could do not to light it on fire in the middle of the living room. Bye bye, feelings of accomplishment. Hello, old feelings of lack-of-worth and self-doubt.
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| Strong Bad's portrait of me |
So, do I go do more homework tonight, as it approaches 12am, and hope that will alleviate some stress and boost my confidence in how this term will unfold? No. On the advice of the smartest person I know (*cough*daniel*cough*), I'm going to watch an episode of Original Series Star Trek and let James T. Kirk handle it.
PS
this was a rather Bloggy post. I'm hoping to get into some more intellectual stuff when I get a better grip on my schedule. Because, man, it would be a pity to neglect addressing the thrills of Viking Lore, Fiction Writing Craft, and Fun with Grant Writing!***
*because all of my professors forgot the university is closed that day, and I happened to be scheduled for a presentation then, so things will get a bit hairy the week of November 8th
**I am not proud of this.
***That last one about grant writing was a lie. Practical, yes. Fun, don't think so.